mommy guilt


When you’re pregnant, the word “excited” comes up about 70 times a day.  It’s almost reflexive in conversations. 

“You’re pregnant? How exciting!”  

“Yes, we’re excited.” 

“How far along are you?...You must be excited.” 

“It’s a girl! I bet you are so excited.” 

“Oh, you’re starting to dilate. EXCITING!” 

I’ve been reciting the exciting chorus while struggling with a dark secret:  Here, at the halfway point of my second pregnancy, I’m not excited. 

Birth Plans and Feeling Guilty

I went to a baby shower recently. As often happens when women gather, the conversation turned to babies and birth. I was seated next to a lovely woman I had been acquainted with growing up, who had recently moved home to raise a family.  We were sharing our very similar stories, when I told her that I had given birth at home and had a wonderful experience.  

“I’m so jealous,” she said as she told me she had wanted a natural birth but ended up with a c-section. I could hear the disappointment and sadness in her voice. 

“But I know all that matters is my baby was healthy in the end." She gave me a small smile. 

I stopped her.