Last week, we found out the sex of our baby. The only tears shed this time were when the nurse found the heartbeat. After an intense week surrounding the due date of the baby we lost in April, finding out whether or not this baby was a boy or girl seemed so secondary to confirming it was still alive and healthy.
Of course, that was until I saw the “boy parts” on that giant flat screen television.
Then, I was facing the reality of THREE sons. All boys. No daughters.
Let’s begin with what this doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean I’m a saint. It doesn’t mean I’m uniquely equipped to handle the burden of all boys. All boys aren’t a burden any more than all girls are. It doesn’t mean there is some master plan involving my skills as a parent, my future daughter-in-laws, my future grandsons or granddaughters.
It doesn’t MEAN anything on some larger cosmic scale.
It means I’m going to get A LOT of what’s really great about raising boys – mainly that they LURVE their momma.
For example, this is what happens every night when Nicholas tucks Amos in bed.
“Good night, Amos. I love you.”
“I love you, too. … I love my mom.”
And that’s progress because Amos used to answer Nicholas every time he told him he loved him with “I love my mom.”
I also get more of what’s crappy about raising boys. I get more messes and more fighting and more worries about all the dangerous crap teenage boys seem to get themselves in to. I get men who I hope and pray still have something to do with me after other women take over their lives.
Not having a daughter means the same thing only in reverse. I get less of the awesome stuff about raising a daughter – mainly the experience of raising the same sex as yourself. I would love to know what’s that like and it breaks my heart a little that I never will.
But as my wise husband said to me this morning, “I’d like the experience of having a billion dollars. Life doesn’t always work out the way we planned.”
I also get less of the drama involved with raising girls. No weddings. No prom dresses. No princesses (and to that I say HALLEJULAH!).
Either way I don’t want to be convinced that one is better than the other. There are awesome things about having boys and challenging things about having boys. There are awesome things about having girls and challenging things about having girls.
But kids are so much more than the sum of their “parts” and the experience of being a parent can’t be summed up or valued based on what those parts are.
I have been blessed with beautiful, healthy children who I am lucky enough to raise in a safe and supportive environment. I co-parent with the most amazing man on the planet and I have a wonderful family.
Everything else is just gravy.