My daughter turned four at the beginning of February. She’s interested in building things, pretend play, super heroes, and animals. Between those interests and the twin gift-giving holidays of her birthday and Christmas, my partner and I have had a lot of conversations about Legos in the last couple of months.
There will come a day.
Darlene's three sons before they were grown men.
It was the kind of summer in Kentucky when the hot August day dies at the hands of its own heat and humidity. A sticky, sweaty two-year-old boy was nestled in the ring of a bathtub baby holder (no doubt long since designated as a death trap like so many other devices we were using in 1981) and I was plopped on the cool tile next to him. I distinctly remember thinking: I will be doing this for the rest of my life. Little did I know that within the next three years I would have two more boys placing me securely in what Sarah and I have termed THE MOB (mothers of boys).
Now I’m a capable thinker and I knew in my MIND that I wouldn’t be doing that the rest of my life but at the time I couldn’t see past the long daily and rigorous chores of taking care of a two-year-old. HAD I known then that within the blink of what seemed like only a few more southern summers, I would be sitting next to a 33-year-old attorney with a high school, college, and post graduate career behind him I would have no doubt been more “in the moment” as the much maligned mantra proposes.
I’m filling in today for my sweet young friend, Sarah, who is in the throes (perhaps literally) of delivering her third boy into the world. There may come a day when she is surrounded by three little boys, ALL uncontrollably and inconsolably screaming at the same time, and think: this will never end.
But there will come a day.
There will be a day when the bake sales are behind you, the diapers are done with, the tears are more like mild traumas, the bikes are replaced by a banged-up VW Beetle, and the “what am I going to do with them!” translates to “what am I going to do without them?”
As one of my favorite author/mom types (Anna Quindlen) wrote some years ago, “It’s not simply the loss of these particular people, living here day in, day out, the bickering, the inside jokes, the cereal bowls in the sink and the towels in the hamper—all right, on the floor. It was who I was with them: the general to their battalion, the president to their cabinet.”
When we inhabit motherhood we become someone new. When we hit the teenage years we become someone we may not like. When they leave us on our own, we become someone who feels loss but gains friends.
Yeah, I know once a mom, always a mom. But there is a new joy in creating a relationship with your children that is based on a mutual history and perhaps a newfound respect.
So young moms of the world, there WILL come a day when your full house morphs into an empty nest but believe me— the trip in between is SUCH a great ride!
Darlene Mazzone is a parent, publisher, and country girl in city shoes. She's the mother of three grown men and is the Executive Editor of PADUCAH LIFE Magazine, a feature magazine in Paducah, KY. She was the first healthcare public relations professional in West Kentucky, is in love with screenwriter Aaron Sorkin (it's OK, her husband knows all about it) and loves pasta, English novels, and of course, reruns of West Wing.
11 Pieces of General, Yet Very Important, Advice
My name is Jenny. My internet last name is On The Spot. So, Jenny On The Spot is my full name.
But you can call me Jenny.
I am female. I have aged in the the early part of my 4th decade. I have 3 kids... 9, 12, and, 15. If you do the math I will soon have TWO teenagers, one of whom will be a licensed driver by the beginning of the summer.
Yes, I need a hug. Thank you for asking.
Guest Post: Holiday Safety Made Simple
My favorite child safety expert Pattie Fitzgerald is back with a new book, a giveaway, and tips to keep your child safe this holiday!
Every holiday season I get lots of inquiries from parents, usually with two concerns:
“How do I manage all those tasks and errands with kids in tow?”
“How do I deal with those big family gatherings where there are so many friends, relatives, and kids running around – especially if there’s that one relative I’m not so sure about?!”
When my 16 year old daughter was much younger, I was faced with the same concerns that every parent with young kids thinks about. There’s a lot to distract us (and our kids!) whether we’re at the mall, the airport, or Auntie Barbara’s house for her annual holiday bash.
Here’s what I did – and it worked.
Another Mother's Perspective on Syria
I hope that as I write these words, a true diplomatic solution is in progress for Syria. In the meantime, I think about how conflict in the Middle East has been a given for generations, and I wonder if my two-year-old daughter will ever see an end. As I think about her, and about how much more efficient and complex and deadly the weapons of the future will be, I hope that we will seize this moment in time to start focusing on the only weapon that I believe can bring true, lasting peace to the Middle East: knowledge.
For the past few weeks, I have watched countless Facebook friends posting photos: “I’m against war in Syria.” Undoubtedly, most of them mean “I’m against American military intervention in Syria.” (And, undoubtedly, a few mean, “What did President Obama say? I’m against that.”). But, here’s the thing: it sounds like we, as Americans, don’t know that there is already a war in Syria. That there has been a war in Syria since 2011, and that there were many heinous atrocities and conflicts before 2011. That the use of chemical weapons might be new, but the slaughtering of innocent people is not. That this is another chapter in a long, tortured history.
The Pros and Cons of Being Childless
I've invited my dear friend Lydia to share her thoughts on being childless. It felt wrong to invite a discussion and then not share this space with someone who has actually made the decision we're discussing. I've known Lydia for over fifteen years and I knew she would do the topic justice.
When I was a little girl, I don't remember having more than one baby doll. That sole doll was named Drowsy. I didn't carry her around like a baby, I didn't walk her in a play stroller, I didn't play "mom" to her. She was my friend - my pretty tow-headed, pink and white polka-dotted friend.
Eventually I outgrew Drowsy and grew up to be a young woman who claimed with intense conviction that she never wanted children.
I hate Snow White
One of the greatest tragedies for me as a mother has been discovering that I hate Snow White. I’m no fan of most Disney princesses, but I can usually draw my two-year-old daughter's interest to something in the origin story other than a beautiful girl or a handsome prince.
Snow White…I’ve got nothing.
