Parenting

Things I Don't Do

The Happiest Mom recently wrote a fantastic post on the things she doesn't do as a mom. Blogs and social media are both wonderful inventions that give us an outlet and sense of community. We can log on and share all the things we are doing. Unfortunately, sometimes that translates into pressure to DO even more.

In the spirit of "everyone take a deep breath and calm the hell down," I'm going to share a list of what I do NOT do. (I do love lists as we know.)

Things I don't do (and don't care to do):

1. Clean my floors. Sounds gross. I know. But hear me out. My kitchen floor is right off my garage so it sees a lot of traffic. My husband cooks every night so it also sees a lot of grease and grime. Last week, we literally got down on our hands and knees and scrubbed it with OxiClean. Two days later, the bottoms of my feet were black again after walking on it. I've been at war with this floor for two years and I'm ready to admit defeat.

2. Garden. I want to have a gorgeous landscaped yard. I want to compost and have my own vegetable garden. However, I have accepted the reality that it is just not going to happen. I have two small children. Hello! I can barely take care of the inside of my house! (See #1.) There is a reason retirees have the best lawns. It's because they are the only ones with time to tend to them.

3. Play with my kids. Again, sounds terrible but hear me out. I don't really like trains or cars or blocks. Plus, Griffin doesn't really want me to play with him. Whenever I have grand designs of an afternoon of play time, he always wants me to just sit there andwatch him play. I've found the really special moments are when we are just spending time together and stumble across something we both enjoy doing...like dancing or watching Teen Mom. Just kidding!

Sort of...

4. Scrapbook. I love memory keeping. I love pictures. I love journaling. But when it comes to traditional scrapbooking, I'll pass. My children don't have beautiful books chronicling their first years. Instead, I use sites like Moment Garden and projects like A Week in the Life to capture all those special memories without a fortune spent on stickers and die cuts.

5. Cook. My husband cooks. Enough said.

Things I don't do but would like to:

1. Sew. My mother and grandmother are master seamstresses. I own a high quality sewing machine, which my grandmother fixed up for me. Yet, I still can't get my act together. I'm so crafty in other ways. I knit. I crochet. I think if I really knew how to sew I would be unstoppable.

2. Bike. I see people biking around town and it looks so fun and relaxing. Alas, I have no bicycle, which seems pretty essential.

3. Camp. I am married to a dang Eagle Scout! Doesn't it seem like I should be camping every weekend? Well, apparently, Eagle Scouts are camping snobs. According to Nicholas, it's not "camping" unless you hike for miles into the middle of nowhere with pounds of gear on you back. Call me crazy but that doesn't quite seem feasible with a two-year-old.

4. Date Night. I'd say we average one date night a month. With all the free babysitting available to us, that's a disgrace.

5. Volunteering. I want my boys to grow up doing for those less fortunate than themselves. I have big plans to volunteer at local charities (especially around the holidays) but I can't quite get my act together. I do better when I'm part of a volunteer organization. Luckily, I just joined our local Charity League so hopefully I can make this a thing I DO do soon.

What's on y'all's Don't Do lists? Things you wish you did? Things you're glad you don't?

This post was originally published on Salt & Nectar.

In Defense of the Summer List

indefenseofthesummerlist.jpg
But when you think about it, summer break is really pretty short. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to fill so little time with so much activity?... a neatly checked-off “summer bucket list” isn’t a requirement of being a good mom.
— Megan Francis, The Happiest Home

On the one hand, I agree. Of course, one doesn’t need a summer list to have a season filled with sunshine and happy memories.

However...

I have a summer list and I love it. 

Spray park - CHECK!

Spray park - CHECK!

I made it at the beginning of May, printed it out, and hung it in our kitchen. Over the past few months, we’ve been slowly checking one activity off after the other. 

I won’t lie and say I feel no pressure to complete the list. I’m a completist from way back. Lists keep me motivated. Lists keep me focused. If too many days pass filled with Sesame Street and errands, my summer list reminds me that these warm, wonderful days are in short supply and we better make the most of them.

My summer list is a good mix of simple pleasures and the special experiences that make a summer. Plus, I leave lots of wiggle room. I’m not sure if we’ll make it to the zoo but the Nature Station at Land between the Lakes is just as good. Check! We made it downtown for the Saturday night street fair...even if we got rained out minutes later. Check!

Sandcastle - CHECK!

Sandcastle - CHECK!

It's not even just about my kids. I've been wanting to take a canoe trip with my husband forever. I'd see the trips on the LBL calendar and think, "I want to do that!" Then, I put it on the list and it was NOT going unchecked. We went on a canoe trip over Memorial Day weekend. Just us. It had been so long since we did an "activity" - not just dinner and a movie - together. We had a blast and I have the summer list to thank. 

The best part is I’ve noticed the list has motivated our friends and family. People constantly ask me how the summer list is coming. A close friend printed out a list of her own. Several family members have commented that they love to see us check items off via Instagram and Facebook. 

Canoe Trip - CHECK!

Canoe Trip - CHECK!

My favorite moment came when my in-law’s came for a visit. My mother-in-law brought water balloons because they wanted to be a part of the summer list - which contains a now checked off “Water balloon toss”. Maybe she would have brought the water balloons anyway but I loved that the list was a big part in creating a very special memory for everyone.

The summer list is only a source of positivity - not pressure. (Click to tweet.) There will be no penalties if items go unchecked. The list is for us and no one else. 

And there will definitely be another one next summer.

Do you have a summer list? If so, is it a source of pressure or positivity?  

My Most Popular Parenting Posts of the Year

I had a plan to post my favorite or most popular post of the year but I was having trouble choosing just one. THEN, I realized it's my blog and I don't have to! So, here are several of my most popular parenting posts of the year. 

Parenting is a never-ending source of fascination, frustration, and inspiration for me. We all hold strong opinions on parenting because there is so much at stake! This is one of my favorite topics to write about and, if the numbers are any indication, your favorite topic to read about as well!

Click any photo to be taken to the post.

Safety, risk, and leaving children unattended

Earlier this week, Salon published a personal essay by Kim Brooks entitled ”The day I left my son in the car”. Almost immediately, I had friends sharing the article with me on Facebook.

The description read, “I made a split-second decision to run into the store. I had no idea it would consume the next years of my life.” When I first read that, I assumed the article would be another scary story about how one small decision as a parent can leave your child injured or worse.

Nope. Brooks left her 4-year-old son in the car while she ran into buy headphones and when she returned a few minutes later her son was perfectly fine. The reason that decision changed her life was because a bystander filmed her leaving her son in the car and then turned her into the police. As a result, she spent the next two years in court and had to do 100 hours of community service and take parenting classes.

First, let me be clear. I have left my children in the car. I don’t know if it qualifies as unattended because my rule is I have to see the van the entire time, but I’ve done it. (I don’t do it anymore because Griffin can now get out of his seat and a child in a car seat is a very different thing than a child loose in the vehicle.)  In fact, I’d be lying if I said I haven't done it a few times when I can’t see the van.

Not only have I done it but I refuse to make excuses about why I did it and the reason is simple. I don’t think I did anything wrong and I don’t think Brooks did anything wrong either.

Why I hate public playgrounds

Let’s have a chat about public playgrounds shall we?

A year or so ago Paducah FINALLY got one of those awesome indoor playgrounds in our mall. Lined with comfy seats and filled with padded playground equipment it is perfect for a rainy day when the kids need to jump and play and Mommy needs to sit and drink her latte.

When they first started building it, I couldn’t WAIT for it to open and we would go a couple of times a month – more in the winter months when outside play really isn’t an option. I absolutely loved it. Despite the hand sanitizer stations (which I loathe), the playground is well-designed for me to sit and read while keeping an eye on the boys.

However, recently I’ve come to dread going to the playground.

It all started a couple of months ago. I saw Amos and a little girl about his age wagging their fingers in each other’s faces. She seemed to be giving as good as she got so I didn’t worry too much about it. Next thing I know the little girl’s father is standing over me.

Things I don't do

Three years ago, I wrote a post on Salt & Nectar sharing the tasks I don’t do as a mom. I was relieving myself of the guilt by announcing to the world “I don’t do these things and I don’t feel bad about it!” At the time, my list included cleaning my kitchen floors (because really that is a Sisyphean task if there ever was one), gardening, cooking, playing with my kids, and scrapbooking. 

The list has largely remained the same. I still don’t clean my floors. I still don’t scrapbook  or cook. I still don’t play with my kids. I have taken up yard work AND composting thanks to the generous help of family friends and a partnership with Ryobi (posts on that to come!).  However, overall, I continue to NOT do those things and have added to the list since adding another kid and a growing business to my life.

So, here’s my UPDATED things I don’t do list.

TEN Outdoor Games in 15 minutes or less!

This week is National Backyard Games Week. It's been GORGEOUS here in Kentucky and is supposed to remain gorgeous the rest of this week. That means there's no excuse not to get outside and have a little fun. Not to mention, things have been a smidge serious around these parts and we (as in the kids AND adults) could use a little silly.

I went and rounded up some awesome backyard games that involve MINIMAL effort (I'm looking disapprovingly at you giant Jenga/Chess/Checkers sets).

So, go outside, engage your competitive side, and have some fun!

"I'm your mother, not your friend."

I'm on the Huffington Post Parents blog sharing the valuable lessons my mom taught me about parenting. 

My mother has told me the story a million times. I was only a couple of days old and asleep in my room. Laying in her own bed, my mother was worried about how quiet I was. What if I had stopped breathing?

Then she decided that if I had died, she would need her rest to deal with it. She rolled over and went back to sleep.

My mother was clear from the beginning. I might have been an important planet, but I was not the entirety of her universe. As an only child and the eldest grandchild, there were many adults in my life that doted on me and catered to my every whim.

My mother was not one of them.

Click here to continue reading.