"How's the campaign going?"
It's the question I get most often. It's also the question I'm never quite sure how to answer.
Good? ... Great! ... Your guess is as good as mine. ... We'll see May 17th!
The truth - I suppose - all depends on what you're measuring.
This weekend we hosted a Winter ONE-derland party in honor of Felix's first birthday. Considering this child was born during a snow, it seemed like an appropriate theme. Well, the weather had other plans and it was 70 and sunny! I could have hosted the dang party outside!
For my 30th birthday, I created a list of 30 things I wanted to do. One was to write a historical fiction short story. This is the story and as Ruby keeps calling to me here lately. I thought I'd share it here.
One of Nicholas's New Year's resolutions was to try freezer meals. He'd prepped meals for the week on and off through 2015 and wanted to see how it would work to prepare an entire month's worth. Then, we could just pull a meal from the deep freeze, throw it in the crockpot, and on a busy day dinner would be waiting for us.
Last week, we found out the sex of our baby. The only tears shed this time were when the nurse found the heartbeat. After an intense week surrounding the due date of the baby we lost in April, finding out whether or not this baby was a boy or girl seemed so secondary to confirming it was still alive and healthy.
Of course, that was until I saw the “boy parts” on that giant flat screen television.
Then, I was facing the reality of THREE sons. All boys. No daughters.
In 7th grade, I made a list of 60 goals I wanted to achieve in my life. Some were big (Win an Oscar, a Tony, and a Grammy) and some not so big (Read Gone with the Wind). After having a fabulous experience checking one SUPER item off, I decided to keep at it and achieve as many of my 7th grade goals as possible.
16. Read Malcolm X.
I have no idea why 7th Grade Sarah decided that she needed to read The Autobiography of Malcolm X. The Spike Lee biopic had come out in 1992 and perhaps I wanted to learn more about this incendiary figure.
Either way I'm glad she did.
It's odd carrying around two due dates in your head. One filled with sadness. One filled with hope.
The baby we lost in April was due today, September 2nd.
Due to particularly bad planning on my part, I'm also almost 16 weeks in this pregnancy, which is when the baby passed away.
In other words, I'm an emotional wreck.
Two due dates. Two pregnancies. Two babies. As hard as I try to keep them separate in my mind, I'm constantly comparing the two. Trying to find differences big and small between the two pregnancies to assure myself that this pregnancy will be different. I'm forever tallying symptoms and side effects in my mind trying to reach the conclusion that this baby will arrive safely in February.
But no symptom is going to erase one simple reality.
My baby died and I am still very very sad about that and I am terrified that something will happen to the baby I am currently carrying.
I know each pregnancy is as different as each child. I know that the chances of something going wrong again are slim. I know all these in my head.
But my heart is another story. In my heart I loved the baby I lost and I am still mourning. I still want to know why my baby died. I still relive that awful moment when the nurse told me my baby didn't have a heartbeat.
And in my heart I am falling deeper and deeper in love with the little one currently inside of me. My heart still so raw from before is being asked to expand again, to be vulnerable again, to love again.
It's. So. Hard.
I knew it would be hard but I had no idea how hard.
I don’t remember when being pale wasn’t a problem.
When I was younger, the threat of sunburn was forever hanging over my head. My mother was always coaxing me out of the pool for more sunscreen or - even worse - making me wear a t-shirt over my bathing suit.
As I grew up, it wasn’t only that being pale was a problem but NOT being tan was a curse.
I was recently tagged in a Facebook post to share the 10 books that have stuck with me. I'm supposed to "not take more than a few minutes" and "not think too hard."
So, here it goes.
What about you? What books have stuck with you?
From left, Christina Hendricks in Marchesa; Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting in Monique Lhuillier; January Jones in Prabal Gurung; and Claire Danes in Givenchy couture.
From left: Jordan Strauss/Invision, via Associate dPress; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images; Jason Merritt/Getty Images; Frazer Harrison/ Getty Images
So. Much. Red. It got to be a little overwhelming by the end.
At least it was exciting. Sometimes everyone plays it so safe watching the red carpet can be a little boring but you can't say last night's fashion at the Emmy Awards wasn't interesting.
(Say a word about Lena Dunham and I'll cut you. She can do no wrong.)
I found myself drawn to the more understated pieces however. I loved Lucy Lui's beautiful draping and Michelle Dockery was flawless as ever. She did however sport the dominant middle part that I found wildly unflattering on most of the stars. (I'm looking at you Christina Hendricks).
Lucy Lui in Zac Posen. Image via Just Jared.
Michelle Dockery in Rosie Assoulin. Image via Tom + Lorenzo.
I also really loved Anna Gunn in Jenny Packham.
Now, who got it wrong? A couple who also went for understated and fell flat. I did NOT like Kate Mara's dress which looked like a Project Runway experiment in draping gone wrong. I also thought Katherine Heigl (who unlike most of America I do not hate) looked WAY too mature in her satin dressing coat.
Katherine Heigl. Image via GossipReporter.com
Kate Mara. Image via Daily Herald..
What did y'all think? Who was your best and worst dressed?
Recently, I came upon an article in Fast Company that left me pondering an issue I've already thought a lot about.
What do I want to happen to my body when I die?
“With her Urban Death Project, designer Katrina Spade has been working on a greener alternative for the last three years. Along with the environmental issues, the design also considers the problem of space—cemeteries in the U.S. take up about a million acres of land, and as populations grow, even more space is needed. Spade wanted to find an answer that would allow people to be buried in cities.
The design uses composting to turn bodies into soil-building material for nearby farms and community gardens, so people literally become part of the city they once lived in. A four-story building, which Spade envisions being built in neighborhoods across a city, would serve both as composter and a place for ritual, where family members could see the deceased person for the last time. The composting process would take about thirty days.”
I have always been bothered by the idea of my body being pumped full of toxic chemicals then placed in the ground in big metal box. However, I also think it's important for my family to have a place to go and feel my presence if they chose to.
I have to admit this idea appeals to me.
What do you think? What do you want to happen to your body when you die?
We need to talk about Ferguson. I know there is a lot to talk about - the investigation, charges against the officer, the police response.
I want to talk about one thing in particular.
Yesterday, the Pew Research Center released the results of a nationwide survey on the events in Ferguson. The major finding:
80% of black Americans think this case raises important issues about race.
37% of white Americans feel the same.
What that says to me is that many MANY white people believe we have a fundamentally better understanding of what it is like to be black in America then black Americans.
As you recall, I feel pretty strongly on issues of race it is important to call things as I see them so let me be clear.
That is racist. That comes from a position of privilege. That is a problem.
