"How's the campaign going?"
It's the question I get most often. It's also the question I'm never quite sure how to answer.
Good? ... Great! ... Your guess is as good as mine. ... We'll see May 17th!
The truth - I suppose - all depends on what you're measuring.
This weekend we hosted a Winter ONE-derland party in honor of Felix's first birthday. Considering this child was born during a snow, it seemed like an appropriate theme. Well, the weather had other plans and it was 70 and sunny! I could have hosted the dang party outside!
For my 30th birthday, I created a list of 30 things I wanted to do. One was to write a historical fiction short story. This is the story and as Ruby keeps calling to me here lately. I thought I'd share it here.
One of Nicholas's New Year's resolutions was to try freezer meals. He'd prepped meals for the week on and off through 2015 and wanted to see how it would work to prepare an entire month's worth. Then, we could just pull a meal from the deep freeze, throw it in the crockpot, and on a busy day dinner would be waiting for us.
I don’t remember when being pale wasn’t a problem.
When I was younger, the threat of sunburn was forever hanging over my head. My mother was always coaxing me out of the pool for more sunscreen or - even worse - making me wear a t-shirt over my bathing suit.
As I grew up, it wasn’t only that being pale was a problem but NOT being tan was a curse.
Three years ago, I wrote a post on Salt & Nectar sharing the tasks I don’t do as a mom. I was relieving myself of the guilt by announcing to the world “I don’t do these things and I don’t feel bad about it!” At the time, my list included cleaning my kitchen floors (because really that is a Sisyphean task if there ever was one), gardening, cooking, playing with my kids, and scrapbooking.
The list has largely remained the same. I still don’t clean my floors. I still don’t scrapbook or cook. I still don’t play with my kids. I have taken up yard work AND composting thanks to the generous help of family friends and a partnership with Ryobi (posts on that to come!). However, overall, I continue to NOT do those things and have added to the list since adding another kid and a growing business to my life.
So, here’s my UPDATED things I don’t do list.
This was originally published on zenhabits and it was so incredibly beautiful I wanted to share it here.
As you sit here reading this, pause and expand your awareness beyond your computer/phone … what is the reality of this moment?
You’re reading, and there are a bunch of other tasks you want to do on your computer, yes … but there’s also your body. How does that feel? There’s the area around you, perhaps some people around you. There’s nature nearby.
Take a pause to become aware of the actual reality of this particular moment.
As we go through our day, we’re often stressed because of all the things we have to do, the things we’re not doing. We worry about how things will go in the future, and procrastinate because we’re afraid of an overwhelming task. We feel we’re not good enough, we compare ourselves to others, we fall short of some ideal. We replay a conversation that already happened.
That’s all in our heads, but it’s all fantasy. The reality of this specific moment is that you’re OK. Better than OK, actually: there are so many good things to be grateful for, in this moment.
And there are the particulars of the moment that only exist, right now. The combination of sounds and colors and shapes and smells around you will never exist in this particular combination ever again. The way your body feels, the thought that pops into your head in the next moment, will never exist again, ever.
You yourself are changing all the time. We think of ourselves as one unchanging entity, but the self that you are right now is different than the one you were before you read this article. And that was different than the one who woke up this morning, because various things interacted with you to change you in small (or large) ways.
So the you that exists right now will change in a moment, from interacting with the particulars of the next moment. The you that exists right now will never exist again.
This is the ever-changing, impermanent nature of you. And in truth, every single thing around you is changing all the time, sometimes in less obvious ways. Everyone around you is changing. Each moment is a fluid snapshot of impermanent changing entities, interacting with each other.
That’s the reality of this moment. Don’t miss it.
And this awareness is available to you all the time. Throughout the day, as you start to worry and get lost in your tasks, ask yourself, “What’s the reality of this moment?”
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…
- Rev. Safire Rose
Photo Credit: spinster cardigan via Compfight cc
I love therapy. I think everyone could benefit from therapy.
I tell everyone I know they should go to therapy. For my closest friends, the people I know and love and see struggling with everything from small issues to major traumas, I beat the drum of therapy until they usually relent and try it out.
Often, people will tell me a family member or spouse doesn’t “believe” in therapy. This particular phrasing amuses me because therapy isn’t the tooth fairy or Big Foot. I assure you it is real and it exists and there is a mountain of scientific evidence that proves it is beneficial.
Of course, I think when people hear therapy they picture a neurotic New Yorker in weekly sessions for their entire lives. I assure you this is not what I’m talking about.
The first time I went to therapy was when I was first married and lived in North Carolina. I went for several sessions during which the therapist praised my emotional intelligence and resilience. Mostly, her praise was based on my less-than-genuine approach to our sessions and my desire to keep my most vulnerable moments to myself.
In other words, the first time I tried therapy didn’t really take.
Often, I think people give up at this point. They weren’t ready to reveal or the therapist was a good fit so they give up. Don’t give up! Try another therapist. Or try another time but don’t decide therapy isn’t for you because it didn’t work the first time.
The second time I went to therapy was when I lived in Washington, D.C., while I was pregnant with Griffin. I have shared before that I was having intrusive thoughts about those I loved dying in tragic ways so I went to therapy to deal with those thought patterns before I started inflicting them on a teeny tiny newborn.
I was ready to be vulnerable. I was honest with my counselor. As a result, the approximately three months I went to therapy were incredibly fruitful. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. I was able to examine with my counselor’s help why I thought the way I did and why it was damaging pattern I needed to address.
There came a natural end to the therapy when I felt like I had gotten real and productive help and was ready to move on.
All of this is on my mind because I’ve recently begun therapy again. After the tragic loss of my friend and the upcoming addition of a new member of our family, I thought it was time for what I like to call a “tune up.”
I recently went for my first session, cried pretty much the entire time, and felt better immediately.
I wish I could describe what it’s like to sit and share your trials and tribulations with a perfect stranger but I can’t. I wish I could adequately explain how something that seems so intimidating can (in the hands of the right therapist) be so comforting but I can’t.
All I can say is no matter how close you are to family or friends or your spouse therapy is different. The person who is listening to you isn’t invested in the outcome. They don’t want to “fix” you or talk you out of your stress because it’s painful for them to see you suffering. They are a professional - just like a doctor or a mechanic - they can notice the patterns and help you find a solution. So often the solution is just diagnosing the problem to begin with.
So, if you’re struggling with something or on the fence about talking to a professional, let me be the one to say - therapy helped me and it can help you, too.
Have you ever attended therapy? Did you find it helpful?
This post originally appeared on Salt & Nectar.
Another day, another study telling us something we previously considered “safe” is anything but.
This time a study out of Denmark found a strong correlation between acetaminophen use among pregnancy women and higher rates of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in their children. We all know correlation isn't causation, but still here's a drug that is considered one of the safest on the markets (although I would have disagreed with that assessment before this study) suddenly seeming more complicated then we first thought.
I have a deep distrust of medication or medical treatment considered “safe” during pregnancy. It is unethical to test things on pregnant women, no one is going to sign up to use themselves and their babies as guinea pigs. Therefore, true safety can never really be established. However, it goes beyond that for me. If I'm being honest, I have a deep distrust of medical care generally.
Once when reading an interview with the eternally fantastic Bonnie Raitt, I stumbled upon this quote.
On her two-year hiatus:
Who would have thought that rest was a sacred act? A therapist I love said, “Only go as fast as the slowest part of you can go.”
It’s a lesson I have to learn over and over again. A lesson I learned again this week when struck with the stomach virus from hell.
It's that time of year. Time for resolutions and goals and reassessing what you do right and what you can do better. This is one of my favorite times of the year because I LOVE self-improvement. I'm a bit of a junkie if I'm being honest.
It probably all started in middle school when I read my first self-improvement book that recommended I list all the things I wanted to accomplish in my life. It was a comprehensive list that included Read the Bible (check!) and meet Dean Cain (still waiting...).
From that very first list I was hooked and I'm always looking for big and small ways to improve my life. Over the years, I've found myself going back to the same experts over and over again when looking for inspiration. These are people that are also incredibly invested in the power of personal growth. These are people whose entire livelihood is based on their power to motivate. These people are my gurus.
In 2009, Rubin published her blockbuster bestseller The Happiness Project, which recounted her year long happiness experiment. For one year, she carefully examined and applied the science of happiness to see what stuck. I love this book so much that I re-read it every year month-by-corresponding-month. I have found that Rubin's approach of making small daily changes to impact your overall happiness incredibly useful and empowering. Not to mention, her honesty about her own weaknesses and challenges is completely refreshing. I read her blog religiously and can't wait for her new book on changing habits.
When I first saw Brené Brown's TED Talk on The Power of Vulnerability I was completely overwhelmed by her authenticity, her insight, and her incredible compassion. I am a hard core devotee of her Daring Greatly style that embraces the idea that everything great in life involves overcoming fear and facing vulnerability. Every time she opens her mouth I learn a little bit more about myself and how to face all the emotions that come with being me.
Michael Hyatt is not for the faint of heart, but I promise you this - his positivity will wear. you. down. His goal is to "help you live with more passion, work with greater focus, and lead with extraordinary influence." He's not here to help you manage your emotions but help you manage your time and your work and your goals. He is my effeciency and productivity guru and I love his podcasts and blog for all the hardcore real-life tips he offers.
Oprah
Duh.
I first found Tara Sophia Mohr through her 10 Rules for Brilliant Women. At first I thought she was your average inspire-business-women expert, but she has proven to be so much more. Better than almost anyone else she manages to address the socio-political AND emotional impact of being a woman in America today. She is the best combination of big picture insight and small picture advice. I absolutely love her.
